Thursday, July 6, 2017

Is That Really In The Bible? Bible Translation Anomalies

"If every man's humour were followed, there would be no end of translating." Richard Bancroft -Bishop of London (1604) 

The Living Bible 

"You son of a bitch" 1 Samuel 20:30 
(changed in later editions) 
"I am just some drunken bum" 1 Samuel 1:16 
"You illegitimate bastard" John 9:34 
"Come to bed with me my, darling." 2 Samuel 13:11 
"The Reluctant Dragon" Isaiah 30:7 
"Israeli" at Exodus 9:4;12:34;14:20;19:1 etc.  
"Hell is licking its chops in anticipation" Isaiah 5:14 
"citizens of hell" Proverbs 9:18 
"denizens of hell" Isaiah 14:9 
Acts 2:27 mentions "Hell", but the scripture it comes from, Psalms 16:10...mentions "grave".  
"Every year when each of Job's sons had a birthday"  
Job 1:4 
"For it seemed good to the Holy Spirit and to us to lay no greater burden of Jewish laws on you." Acts 15:29 
1 Timothy 6:9 "send them to Hell itself."  

Good News Bible-Today's English Version 

"You bastard" 1 Samuel 20:30 
"May you and your money go to hell" Acts 8:20 
"For God's sake" Mark 5:7 
"Go in through the narrow gate because the gate to hell is wide" Matthew 7:13,14 
"penis" Leviticus 15:1; Deuteronomy 23:1 
"blood-stained wedding sheet" Deut. 22:15 
"I am having my monthly period." Gen 31:35 
Sheol is translated "world of the dead" 
"You smart aleck you" 1Samuel 17:28 
"The Harmless Dragon" Isaiah 30:7 
"I had all the women a man could want" Eccl 2:8 
1 John 3:2, replaces "he" with "Christ" 
1 Timothy 6:15 "God" is added 
John 1:1 is "and he was the same as God" in the first edition and "the Word was God in the second edition  

New English Bible 

"The terrors of death suddenly beset him and make him piss over his feet." Job 18:11 
"all men's knees run with urine" Ezekiel 21:7 
"Have nothing to do with loose livers" 1 Corinthians 5:9 
"Whitsuntide" 1 Corinthians 16:8 
"buffaloes/bison" Isaiah 34:7 
"guardian angels" Matthew 18:10 
"mother earth" Ecclesiastes 5:15 
"porpoise hides" Exodus 35:23 
"dragon" Psalms 68:22 
"goddesses of the field" Song of Solomon 2:7 
"Once upon a time" Genesis 11:1 
In Proverbs 18:10 there is a quote from Shakespeare's "Richard III, 5, iii, 12. 
Hebrews 12:8 "you must be bastards" 

King James Version 

Song of Solomon 5:4 "my bowels were moved for him" 
I Kings 21:21 "him that pisseth against the wall"  
Hebrews 12:8 "bastards"  
2 Peter 2:16.  "dumb ass" 

Contemporary English Version 

"You and your money will both end up in hell" Acts 8:20 
Gehenna is also translated "hell" Matthew 5:22 
Tartarus is also translated "hell" 2 Peter 2:4 
Hades is also translated "hell" Luke 10:15 
Sheol is "world of the dead" at Eccl. 9:10 
Sheol is "in the ground" at Job 14:13 
Footnote at John 8:24, 58 reads, "I am: For the Jewish people the most holy name of God is 'Yahweh' which may be translated 'I am.' In the gospel of John 'I am' is sometimes used by Jesus to show that he is that one." (It does nothing of the kind)  

God's Word-New Testament and Psalms 

Colossians 2:9 "All of God lives in Christ's body." 
1 John 5:20 "This Jesus Christ is the real God and eternal life." 
Revelation 3:14 "the source of God's creation." 
2 Peter 2:4, tartarus is "hell" 
Matthew 5:22, gehenna is "hellfire" 
Luke 10:15, hades is "hell" 
Psalms 139:8, sheol is "hell" 
Psalms 6:5, sheol is "grave" 

New Living Translation 

Matthew 7:13 "highway to hell" 
John 1:18 "but his only Son, who is himself God" 
Revelation 3:14 "ruler of God's creation" 
Philippians 2:6 "though he was God" 
2 Peter 2:4, tartarus is "hell" 
Matthew 5:22, gehenna is "hell" 
Matthew 16:18, hades is "hell" 
Psalms 139:8, sheol is"place of the dead" 
Psalms 6:5, sheol is "grave" 

The New Testament-An Expanded Translation by Kenneth S. Wuest 

John 1:1, "In the beginning the Word was existing. And the Word was in fellowship with God the Father. And the word was to His essence absolute deity. 
John 1:18, "Absolute deity in its essence no one has ever yet seen. God uniquely-begotten, He who is in the bosom of the Father, that One fully explained deity." 
Philippians 2:6,7, "[This is the mind] which is also in  Christ Jesus, who has always been and at present continues to subsist in that mode of being in which He gives outward expression of His essential nature, that of absolute deity, which expression comes from and is truly representative of His inner being [that of absolute deity], and who did not after weighing the facts, consider it a treasure to be clutched and retain at all hazards, this being on an equality with deity [in the expression of the divine essence], but himself He emptied , himself He made void, having taken the outward expression of a bondslave, which expression comes from and is truly representative of His nature [as deity]..." 
Colossians 1:15, "who is a derived reproduction and manifestation of absolute deity, the invisible deity, who [the Son] has priority and sovereignty over all creation" 
Matthew 5:22, gehenna is "hellfire" 
Matthew 16:18, "councils of the unseen world" 

The Cotton Patch Version by Clarence Jordan 

Matt. 2:1 "When Jesus was born in Gainesville, Georgia"  
Matt. 2:13 "Get moving, and take your wife and baby and highball it to Mexico." 
Matt. 2:22 "Herod's Boy Archelaus was governor of Alabama" 
Matt. 3:12 "his combine was already running" 
Matt. 9:9 "Matthew sitting behind his desk at the Internal Revenue office" 
Matt. 9:23 "Y'all get out of here. The little girl isn't dead." 
Matt.10:28 "be afraid of the one who can make a hellish hash of both body and soul." 
Matt. 11:19 "He is a no-good bum who runs around with Communists and peaceniks." 
Matt. 16:6 "Now let me warn you to stay away from the yeast of the Protestants and Catholics." 
Crucified/Impaled is "Lynched". 
Matt. 22:16 "So they sent him a committee with some FBI men." 
Matt. 26:10 "Jesus got wind of it and said, "Why are you bitching at the lady?" 

And that is just the book of Matthew:) I could go on, but you get the drift. It is a funny Version to read actually. 

The Black Bible Chronicles 

Excerpts from the 10 Commandments 
"You shouldn't diss the Almighty's name, using it in cuss words or rapping with one another. It ain't cool and payback's a monster." 
"You shouldn't be taking nothin' from your homeboys." 
"Don't waste nobody."Don't mess around with someone else's ol' man or ol' lady." 
Genesis 3 
"And that bad old serpent told the sister, 'Nah, sister, he's feeding you a line of bull, You won't die. The Almighty just knows that if you eat from the tree you'll be hipped to what's going down." 

Contributed via Email: 
Your collection of swearing in translations is priceless: you may wish to add the following: 

New English Bible 
“As she sat on the ass, she broke wind, and Caleb asked her, “What did you mean by that?” Joshua 15.18 
King James Version 
Use of the Lord’s name in vain many times by mistranslating the Greek “May it never be” as “God forbid”. 
Example: “God forbid: yea, let God be true, but every man a liar; as it is written, That thou mightest be justified 
in thy sayings, and mightest overcome when thou art judged.” Romans 3:4 : 4 
CEV: St. Paul’s Language 
“I wish that everyone who is upsetting you would not only get circumcised, but would cut off much more!” 
Galatians 5:12 
New American Bible: Passage about eating human excrement 
“For your food you must bake barley loaves over human excrement in their sight, said the LORD. Thus the Israelites shall eat their food unclean among the nations where I scatter them. “Oh no, Lord GOD!” I protested. 
“Never have I been made unclean, and from my youth till now, never have I eaten carrion flesh or that torn by   wild beasts; never has any unclean meat entered my mouth.” Very well, he replied, I allow you cow’s dung in  place of human excrement; bake your bread on that.” Ezekiel 4:12 
NRSV: Passage in which Sarah laughs at God because she is going to enjoy sex in her old age: 
So Sarah laughed to herself, saying, “After I have grown old, and my husband is old, shall I have pleasure?” 
Genesis 18:12. The word for pleasure in Hebrew clearly means (sexual) pleasure. 

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